Hey Y’all Hey!!
Did you know that most women who have families ignore their own medical needs in order to continue focusing more on taking care of their family? Of course taking care of herself ensures she’ll be around longer for them but WE, yes myself included, ignore this fact in order to just concentrate on the here and now. I FELT my body slowing down. I FELT my weight going up. I FELT my lungs struggling for air. I FELT my heart racing morning noon and night BUT my daughter needed me. My daycare children needed me and their parents depended on me being there to open my door every morning. I had no time in my day to focus on anything else.
Let’s not forget the biggest part of this picture. I’m a single mom. Her dad has never wanted to co-parent. Her dad never tried to be a parent at all. My village is a tiny one. I couldn’t see myself taking time out to listen to my body’s cry for help because I knew the results were going to be bad. I knew that once I checked into the hospital it was going to be a while before I checked out, if I checked out at all. Bottom line was that I was petrified. Being a single mom with a serious illness just magnifies the fact that you are a single mom. The thought of taking yourself out of the equation and leaving your child completely in the hands of others is a scary thought. It was a thought that I never wanted to think about so ignoring all the signs seemed to be the easier way to go, that was until I had so much trouble breathing that I had to rest after every few steps and I had to sleep sitting straight up.
After convincing myself I only had a bad cold, or at the very worst a slight touch of pneumonia, I made arrangement for someone to sit with my daycare children while I went to the emergency room. I ended up going in on a Friday morning and not coming out until after 9pm the following Monday night. I was diagnosed with Cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, an enlarged heart and a few other things that I can’t remember that were respiratory and heart related. All and all I thought I was going to die. I was so silently distraught that I started not to even tell my own mother nor my closest of friends. I’d been home for weeks before I slowly started confiding in the people around me but I kept it to a very bare minimum.
The weeks to come were rough. I had to make several more trips to the hospital but thankfully none turned into another hospital stay. Needs to say that my daughter was a nervous wreck and my anxiety was at an all time high. I found the courage to advise her dad what was going on and how near to dying I’d been but not out of the woods. Needless to say he never stepped up to the plate and we never discussed my illnesses or quality of my health again and that was in 2014. THAT is when I realized how truly alone in this single parenthood life I am but I did not let it discourage me from doing what I had to do to get better, which thankfully I AM!! I AM a fighter and I AM a single mother! I was not going to lay down and die unless it was truly my time.
We as women are the backbone of our single parent family. Part of our duty of taking care of them is to take care of ourselves!! Besides, if we don’t do it, who else will? Until next time you guys, be on the lookout for more from your girl MoGeSu!!
InstaGram and Twitter: Author.MoGesu