Hey Y’all Hey!!
I have a question for you single mothers who have TRULY absentee fathers in your children’s lives: What do you think YOU could’ve done for things to have turned out differently? In other words do you blame YOU? I ask myself this question all the time. I go over the situation from beginning to now. I wonder if it’s some fault of my own why my daughter had to grow up without a father in her life. People hear that you’re a single mom and they automatically ASSume that it’s some fault of your own. At some point, you start thinking they are right.
I can honestly say I’ve never told my daughter’s dad that he could not come to see her. I’ve even asked if he could come stay with her on several occasions once she got up in age and he never showed up any of those times. She had a cell phone at age five in order for him to be able to talk to her and not have to go through me. Needless to say he never called, just drunk texted her phone a few times, so I got rid of it. I went above and beyond trying to find a way she could have two parents. I talked to male co-workers about being a dad. I listened intently as they told me how nothing was going to MAKE him be a father until he WANTED to be her father. I guess that day of want has not come yet….
I stayed angry for so long that it began to cause health issues. My blood pressure was already bad but the constant fussing and carrying hatred around made it so much worse. She’s fourteen now and somewhere along the way I just stopped. Imagine you are standing at the bottom of a mountain high ladder. Your first thought is fear then the next thought is how you’ll never be able to get to the top but you must at least try. You close your eyes and start to climb. You climb and pray with your eyes closed. At some point, after it seems you have been climbing forever, you open your eyes and you are almost at the top! You muster up the courage to look down and a feeling of accomplishment comes over you once you see how far you’d come! That feeling replaces fear and propels you to continue moving up, all doubt now gone. At this point the light at the end of the tunnel is no longer a question, but an answer to your prayers.
I’ve gotten her to this age. No I didn’t do it single handedly but the weight of the situation was definitely all mine to carry. I’ve fed her, clothed her, supported her endeavors and provided for her overall. Again, during these fourteen years I’ve never once told him he wasn’t welcome. We’ve invited him AND his family to football games to watch her dance with the band, dance recitals, birthday parties, etc but never once did the show NOT go on because they were a no show. The answer to my own question is NO! There’s nothing I could’ve done differently to make my single mother journey any better. I did things the way a classy lady who is leading her daughter by example should do them. As of right now I will continue on in that same manner. Like they say, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.” The lack of a father being present has nothing to do with me being a mother. Until next time you guys, be on the lookout for more from your girl MoGeSu!!
Monica Sumter was born, raised, and still resides in Columbia, SC. The pseudonym “MoGeSu” is a combination of the first two letters of her first, middle, and last names. Her first novel, “Dreams Really Do Come True,” was written from start to finish in 2006 and published early 2015. Her second novel “Truly Yours…” was released in 2016.
MoGeSu loves to read as much as she does writing. She prefers attention grabbing fiction novels that takes her away from reality and into a world where her imagination is welcome to roam free. As an author her goals are to publish two or three more adult romance novels, at least one young adult novel, and a book of short stories.
“Books should draw us in. The characters should feel familiar. The story should be relate-able. You should be able to clearly envision the virtual picture.” MoGeSu